Reunions

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about having been adopted as a kid.  It's something I haven't contemplated heavily in a long time. 

I was adopted when I was 5 weeks old.  This information was something that I always knew. And something that I obsessed over. My mom told me that it made me special because my parents chose me.

Even so, the thought of finding my birth mother and my birth family was never far from my mind. It's hard to explain and not every adopted kid feels this way. But it was like a piece of me was missing.  There was a restlessness around me that urged to me to press on until I found them.

I'll take a break here to tell you that none of this diminished my feelings about my family (you know, the people who raised me). If anything, it made the relationship stronger knowing that they cared for me when others couldn't.

When I decided to begin my search, I was 21. I could have started at 18 but I guess I wasn't ready for the long road ahead of me.  It turned out to be so easy. My birth mother wanted to be found. She had left her information in my file at the adoption agency and I just went and got it.

I braced myself for the worst. For the unknown. For rejection. But instead I was received with love, with open arms, with acceptance. 

I found people who looked like me! I have the family nose. The hair comes from my father. They all like to hug.  I make gestures just like my birth mother. I am going grey early just like my birth mother and grandmother. It is the exact color as theirs.  It may seem superficial, but it wasn't just the physical similarities. After spending your whole life feeling like you just didn't quite fit in, it was very special to be around people who instantly understood you.

That was 1992.  Since then, I've gotten to know many of the people in my birth family.  My youngest siblings barely remember a time when I wasn't their sister.  They were very near where I went to school and I spent a lot of time with them.  It was at first overwhelming.  There were all these people who suddenly cared about me and it seemed like an awful lot of obligation.  But once I realized that feeling was coming from me, I could let it go.

Not everyone was so in to getting to know me. And that was okay. Everyone is entitled to their feelings.

My oldest birth brother, who is four years younger than me, was one of those people. This is why I was so surprised when he invited me over to his house for Thanksgiving this year.  I was so shocked at the invitation since he'd barely said two words to me in 20 years that I absolutely had to go.  Since then, we've spent some time getting to know each other and talking about the life that we might have led together. My heart hurts knowing that I can never be the sister that I should have been.

While the reasons that he never wanted to be close until now are personal and not for me to share, it has made me do a lot of thinking about this strange thing called adoption. There is so much out there for the births moms, for the adoptive moms and for the adopted kids, but what about the brothers and sisters?

It is so wonderful and amazing that some people have the ability and the means to take care of children who are unable to be cared for, neglected or unloved. I know my life would be so different had my birth mother made a different choice. I am so grateful to her for recognizing that I could be so much more given different circumstances.

No matter how much I am thankful and very happy with the circumstances I find myself in today, most certainly as a product of the environment I grew up in, there will forever be a sense of loss. Having experienced the immediate bond when having my own daughter combined with my experience as an adoptee, I really believe that something important is lost when a mom and child are separated too early. It has repercussions throughout the lives of everyone involved.

I am who I am because of a special combination of the genetic pieces in my body and the experiences of my life.

I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Nostalgia

Maybe it's going back to my homeland or maybe it's having the opportunity through a big move to review the objects I hold dear that are attached to my memories, but whatever the reason, I seem to be reviewing old feelings, past relationships (and not just old flames, thank you) and adventures of my younger self.

Do you ever wonder why we do that?  You see a photo of someone you loved or you pick up your old journal and read a few entries or you read a letter from a dear friend and the feelings come rushing back. Perhaps you laugh, perhaps you recall a certain smell, but for a moment you are transported to another time, another life, another you.  You feel a little sad, a little happy, maybe even a little embarrassed at that other younger you that goes with the memories.

But in the end you go back to the present, look toward the future and get on with things.

What's really amazing is that it is good for you to look back.  For reals.  The New York Times said it so it must be true, right?

 “Nostalgia made me feel that my life had roots and continuity. It made me feel good about myself and my relationships. It provided a texture to my life and gave me strength to move forward.”       

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/09/science/what-is-nostalgia-good-for-quite-a-bit-research-shows.html?_r=0

According to the article, you can induce nostalgia by listening to music.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle

Suddenly, I'm in 1988 my senior year of high school. Possibly I'm at prom. Or cruising downtown Bellingham. Or on the band bus. Seriously, the best times were had on the band bus.

Plus, Belinda Carlisle was the best part of the Go-Go's.  Anyway...moving on...

The Promise by When In Rome 

This reminds me of when I was in France during my junior year of college. I walked or took the bus or tram everywhere and I listened to cassette tapes on my travels.  This and several other songs transport me across the pond instantly.

Lastly, this song is one that doesn't take me to the time period of the song, but to what I was thinking of when the song was playing. A memory within a memory, if you will. 

Cowboy Take Me Away by the Dixie Chicks

 

Research says this little walk down memory lane should help you feel more worthwhile and loved, help you deal with transitions (and as a bonus, feel warmer, too)! 

You're welcome.

Patience

I've never been good at waiting.  Yes, I know that comes a shocking revelation.  I was the kid who couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve and I started planning my birthday in July (I was born in September).  As an adult, I've learned to keep it inside more (I have, I swear!), but I'm still as impatient as ever.  The last two weeks have been a lesson in patience. 

It will come.  It will be wonderful.  One step at a time.


While I'm waiting, I think I'll visit the Olympia Farmers Market. Again. This place rocks.

 

Curating

I love being a museum curator!  I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about being the only museum staff member or not having my own staff, and honestly, I do wish I didn't have either of those issues, but it is really wonderful to be right in the heart of all that is the museum.  As an administrator, it was wonderful being able to direct so much, make decisions and impact those around you. But I missed being on the front line, getting my hands dirty and playing with artifacts!

I am really trying to remind myself that being in Lacey now is what it was like being in Greeley 14 years ago.  We did not have the professionally run museum and archives that they have now.  Storage was crammed, modern policies were not in place and weren't being used if they were.  We came a VERY long way in 14 years.  I *love* that I did some of that.  Now I get to do it again.  This is what makes me happy.  I enjoy being able look back and see how I have made a big impact -- organizing a collection, bringing it up to professional standards and making it accessible to the public.  I am looing forward to creating a new museum, moving everything safely and creating an exhibit that will make the people in Lacey proud to be from here. 

Disappointment

We didn't get the house.  I really dislike when people go back on their word.  They accepted our offer and then changed their minds.  This experience has made me take stock, though. 

1.  This house will be the standard by which other houses will be judged.  Both in its good qualities and some of the negatives.

2.  I am convinced that we won't find our right place until there is a contract on our old place.

3.  We hired an awesome realtor in Lacey.  If anyone here needs a good realtor, she's smart and knows her stuff.  (Our realtor in Milliken--not so much).

4.  I don't think is was the perfect house for us.  I will know it when I feel it.

We have decided to rent short-term so that we can have our own place and our things and be somewhat settled before the holidays. Not what we'd hoped for, but our place IS out there.

Reunions

I've been catching up with friends and family in Washington and I have to say it's amazing.  Seeing the people that I haven't seen in five, ten or twenty years feels to me like I just saw them yesterday.  I've gotten to see cousins, aunts and uncles, long-time friends and flashes from the past.  I'm loving it. 

It's like coming home.

But hey, there's still some people I haven't seen. You know who you are.

Also, fall in Washington is awesome!

Widget's Wise Words of the Week

The girl is drawing a picture of her Dad and there is something on his head.  "Look Mom! Dad has a beaver!"

Yeah, I'm not touching that.

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House Hunting

Flash Back

Remember the last post...the one where The Girl was having a Skype with her Dad and asking for the same thing over and over?  If you don't, go back to the "Sickness" entry, read the first segment and then come back here. 

When Dad arrived last Saturday, he had a number of wonderful gifts in his suitcase (a Merida play set, lollipops, a sticker book), but most importantly, there were the dolphin slippers.  Upon seeing them, Widget asks, "Why did you bring my dolphin slippers? I already have slippers." 

Seriously?  She has no memory of asking for them EVERY night, multiple times in a conversation.  These are strange creatures, these tiny humans.




They sure missed each other!



The Intense Hunt

From the time Chris arrived until he left, our lives were completely consumed by finding a place to live.  We spent two days driving around every neighborhood in our new town so that we could learn places that we might want to live and places that we definitely don't.  Plus, we had never done this together before so we were learning what each other wants and needs and how our those overlap with each other.

An interesting thing about Lacey is that there are not very distinct high end or low end neighborhoods.  One day we drove through a trailer park and after the low end development, we drove right in to a high end development with $500,000 houses.  It meant that we had to explore everywhere instead of just targeted areas.

During the rest of the week, Chris would drive and drive and research and at night we would look at the properties he had picked out.  By the end of the week, we were beginning to despair that we weren't going to find anything.  Finally, when nothing was resonating with us, we decided to change focus and look at rental properties.  We made some appointments for showings of both rentals and sales and just as we were about to give up...

WE FOUND IT! 

Our new home (we hope!)

Front

Incredible kitchen

Beautiful open floor plan

If you want to see all the pictures, go here: http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3608-Lanyard-Dr-NE-Lacey-WA-98516/69730366_zpid/

This house is well-maintained and had almost all of the features we were looking for.  There is a long way to go before it's really ours, but it feels AMAZING to have something to look forward to.  We are working out a rental agreement so that we can move in right away, so cross your fingers!

I'm glad the search is over because I'm exhausted.  Did I mention I was sick all week, too?  I'm ready to lie down!

Widget's Wise Words of the Week

On Saturday, we went to my aunt's house for a marvelous dinner with family.  Widget turns to Grandma and says, "When I grow up, I want to be just like my mom."  Awwwww.  My heart melted.  Grandma smiled and said, "I bet you will."  Widget proceeded to pull her shirt up and said "When I grow up, I'll have big ones, just like Mom!"

I bet you will.

 

Post Script

And if the week couldn't have ended any better, my Elle is here!  It never matters how long has gone by, it's always like we just saw each other yesterday.

Sickness

Homesickness.

The nightly Skype conversation with Dad.

Widget: Why are you still at our old house?
Dad: So that I can sell it and get our stuff ready to go.
Widget:  Are you going to pack my dolphin slippers?
Dad: Yes, I will bring them when I visit.
Widget: Why are you still at our old house?
Dad: So I can pack up and sell the house.
Widget: Are you going to pack my dolphin slippers?
Dad: Yes.
Widget: Why are you still at our old house?

(Rinse. Repeat.)

Sometimes it's hard to be three.

Heart Sickness.

Yesterday, we went to the memorial service of my cousin's son, who was way too young to be gone.

It was an absolute blessing to see so many of my family members and know that it will be much easier to see them again now that we are nearby.  The Girl was clearly pleased to be around people who so willingly demonstrated their love for her even if it was a bit overwhelming.

My cousin Colby committed suicide earlier this month.  This is the third person I've lost to suicide and I still don't understand it. How can they not know how much they are loved? How everyone around them would have done anything to help them, to make the pain go away?

Colby with two of his favorite things.

My heart breaks for his mom, my cousin, Beth, her husband and her daughters. Nothing is going to make this easier for them.  But the most touching moment of the day was when I went to say goodbye to his sister, Jen.  Widget had been aloof most of the afternoon, but didn't hesitate in giving a sweet leg hug to Jen.  It made my heart sing to see how it touched her. 

Sometimes it's easy to be three.

Just Plain Old Sickness.

It had been three days of 3 a.m. callings by the Girl. "Mom? I can't sleep. I miss Dad." I feel for her, but I have my limits. Not only does she wake up the whole house, but half the time I can't get back to sleep. Finally, after getting about four hours of sleep the night before and the fact that I am clearly coming down with a bladder infection, I am about to lose my mind. The extreme exhaustion and the telltale pain in my pelvis combined with a lack of health insurance have turned me into a pile of goo.  This time the household is woken up by my sobbing.

The next night, we were all desperately hoping for some sleep. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Instead, Kim and I were awakened by a weeping sick girl burning up with a 102.9 fever.  Poor baby was so sick. Not a drop of kid's medicine or a thermometer she'd use in the house.  So off I went for a midnight trip to Wal-Mart.  We're lucky I made it there and back in one piece as tired as I was.

Sometimes it's hard to be the Mom (and the roommate).

I might have freaked Chris out with a 2 a.m. phone call.  But his calm voice on the other end of the line was just what I needed.

She felt much better after emptying her stomach on Kim, the floor and the Bee. Good times. So we turned on the TV, she snuggled up and after not too long, she fell asleep. And so did we.

The next night we had a plan.  She would sleep in the big bed with Kim if she woke up.  Mom got an excellent night's sleep (I was the only one who had to work the next day), but Kim got more than she bargained for.  The dogs, Logan and Lexi, decided that they knew much better than either of us about caring for tiny humans.  Two 40-lbs dogs took over the bed in their quest to protect her from certain doom. 


Lord and Protector Logan

Protector Lady Lexi

And on a side note...

Widget's Wise Words of the Week

We are driving on the highway in heavy traffic in the far left HOV lane and I realize that our exit is RIGHT THERE.  Four lanes over!  I turn on my blinker and this jacka** is in my blind spot and won't move.  This is a critical turn and it adds 15 minutes for us to get back to where we need to be.  I was so frustrated and my language might have been a *little* on the colorful side.  The whole time.  The girl pipes up from the back seat:  "You know, Mom, if you were being nicer, it would probably work out better for you."

Good point.

Breathing

I am very overwhelmed in a number of ways right now, so breathing reminds me to slow down, take a minute, and not let it overtake me.  Let's do it together.  Breathe in...  Breathe out.... Better, see?

Flooding Madness.

100-Year or 1,000-Year Floods.  No one seems to know, but it's a lot.

My heart right now is in Colorado.  It is absolutely incredible and surreal to see my home for the last 17 years on the national news and all over the internet covered in mud and water.

On Sunday morning, I received a reverse-911 call notifying me of an evacuation notice for our subdivision in Milliken (where Chris is) which sent me into a day obsessed with media reports, evacuation maps, road closure maps, and convincing my husband that he should, in fact, leave.  He did not have internet, so couldn't see the insane disaster all around him nor the constantly repeating message that the rescue crews would not return for people who didn't evacuate when they were supposed to.



Train cars sleeping.
This picture was taken in Milliken near Hwy 60 & Quentine, very near our house.

Highway 60 - a road I travelled on daily.

Chris was able to return home at 5 p.m. that evening. It stopped raining and the fears that they would have to shut the town down receded, even if the floodwaters still haven't. It takes 3x as long to go places now, but Colorado has moved on to recovery and my thoughts and love are with everyone there.  It is going to be a long haul.

Breathe.

Curation Madness.

I am loving my new job.  The people I work with have been so incredibly welcoming and supportive! I am excited to dig in and make some amazing professional museum-y headway.  Yesterday I had a meeting on the new museum exhibit project and I got really excited about it.  It is really fabulous to be acknowledged for my knowledge and experience rather than be put down. 

My sweet little museum

Delicious treats from the boss!

Inspiring exhibit team--full of professionals!

Right now my biggest frustration is that there is so much to wrap my brain around plus just finding things is a challenge.  I have to get a handle on where the collections are, what we have, what my resources are and what the history of my new community is.  No problem.

Breathe.

Tiny Human Madness.

Widget is really doing amazingly well.  She seems to be loving her new school and her teacher.  She is clearly learning lots of new things and fitting in well.  I love seeing her so stimulated and thrilled to show me each new thing she did.  Check out this awesome artwork!

Mom and daughter--my favorite!

A colorful house with green bushes

First Day at school

Nevertheless, I worry.  She is sucking her thumb more.  She is so exhausted at night that she puts herself to bed a half an hour early.  She can't seem to get herself up in the morning and she's not taking naps at school.  She wants to eat breakfast at home even though she'll get it at school.  She still wears diapers to bed.  She wants to watch TV every night, but if she does she's a cranky mess.  She misses her daddy and tells me every day that she wants to see him.  It's a little heart breaking.  But kids are resilient -- I'm sure she'll be fine.  But will I?

Breathe.

Breathing is good but so are Potato Chips. And Brownies. And Beer. 

Traveling: Hermiston to Lacey

We Made It!

The Drive.  This was the most beautiful leg of our trip by far.  The Columbia River is amazing!Widge got so excited when she saw "Our Mountain" (Rainier).  I had planned this really cool easy hike for kids that  would take us to a beautiful waterfall.  I was so excited because I had actually gotten the timing right for us to do the hike and then eat lunch.  Both of the other days, the stops I had planned we ended up there too late.  Of course, when dealing with a 3-year old, you might as well just toss the plans right out the window.  She fell asleep 15 minutes before our stop with absolutely no chance of waking her.  She missed the most beautiful part of the drive.  Oh well. :)  So instead I decided that whenever she woke up, we'd stop, I'd find a park and we'd lunch.  We were only an hour from our destination, but she was happy.

Playground in Kelso, WA

The Arrival.  Not only was seeing a friendly face, well...friendly... But when I walked into the house and found a perfectly prepared girl's room, it was absolutely incredible! Thanks, Kimmers! :)  She loved everything about it. There was a girl-sized kitchen, dolls to dress, a small sofa, new puzzles and a special present to open.  She played in her room for at least an hour.

A special present!

First night in her new bed - Cozy!
(The horse was the present)

 The Firsts. On Thursday, we both had our first day. School for the little miss, work for me.  So far, I love the school, it's open and clean and everyone was very friendly and kind.  She was so excited to go and had a great drop off - no tears, just a bit of shyness.  Today she drew, played outside, sang songs and made new friends.  She misses Dad a lot.

First day of school drawing

 The Museum, Day One.  My day consisted of meeting people, meeting more people, attending budget meetings (my museum 2014 budget was approved - yay!), seeing my offices, getting oriented with my boss, meeting more people, getting my i.d. card, meeting with HR, filling out forms and meeting more people!

First Impressions:

• I really like my boss; she is very glad I'm there.
• Everyone seems very supportive and happy.
• I have a *ton* of work to do and half of it I don't know how to do yet (where are the photographs and how do I find a specific one?).
• I wish there was a book on Lacey history because I need to know it by Tuesday.
• People seem to be waiting for me to share my expertise and help them do better.
• I am really looking forward to going to work tomorrow.  It's been a very long time since I felt that way.